So Quiet....

It is a few hours before Mondo comes home and the house is so quiet. AHHHH almost a refreshing silence. My headache is gone too. I have contemplated going back to sleep, but I fear of waking up to fighting again. I am going to be so tired by 4 p.m If I don't go back to sleep lol My mind is not filled up with anything yet except what to do today. My FIL is coming over not sure what time though. Mondo can clean up today I will allow him to help. Oh I do need to go to the mall and Target though today. Maybe the whole day will stay this peaceful???? Yeah right, I can hope.
Or maybe I should go back to sleep and wake up to reality because this quietness definitley isn't. I I'll take it in though......

Positive Things....

So after posting all that Brody woke up for one more feeding, and he was so sweet he was screaming I go in and he starts laughing when he sees me, at least he loves me =) So I have been trying to think about all the positive things rigth now.......
1) My kids are healthy
2) My headache can be cure with Aspirin
3) I will feel better when I go to sleep
4) I am healthy
5) My kids can be cute (Caleb cam over and sat by me and started singing Staind with me we rocked out together)
6) I am alive
7) I can always clean tomorrow!

Bad Night

OMG>..I am so frustrated tried and have the worst headache. I sometimes feel I am the worst mother. I can;t take the responsibility of caring for them, feeding them getting them to school, wiping there butts, and then taking care of the House ( cleaning, laundry, and ll the other crap)_ oh yeah and then trying to be nice and live able to Mondo. I feel like it is just too much! I was hoping by signing up with this blog writing on it would help me get out alot so we will see. These kids are just too much. Every second they want something. Caleb doesn't listen for nothing. I have no time for myself. I feel awful for even leaving the computer on in the day time and going back and forth to check email facebook so forth. How could I be so selfish and want time for myself!? I feel like I am nothing. At the end of the night I have no energy to clean the floors every night finish the laundry and start cleaning what I never had time to that day. I am prob the worst one ever because I am not bathing them tonight. I just can't I am too stressed with them. Thank god the baby is asleep for the night. I feel I am not giving my kids, the house, or Mondo enough attention, it seems like all are just not where they need to be. The kids, they wear me out Nicholas always cries about not getting the freedom and stuff all the other kids get OMFG!!! That kid has a DS, Wii, tons of toys (that for some reason aren't enough!? I try and tell him he needs to earn it, but oh forget that I am just mean! I discipline him becasue I don;t want him to be a snotty brat but it isn't working obviously. Then he can turn and tell me all will be ok when he sees me crying and stressing out I think he does it because he wants something out o it most of the time. Then Jacob once again has nothing @@ then his tantrums and when his feelings get hurt omg it ruins his whole day and everyones around him! Caleb oh lord help any one that comes into contact with him. He doesn;t stop he wants something to eat to drink to play with 24/7 always always always. And if you try and clean or do laundry he has to also. He doesn't get the word no (uh yeah right he just pretends he doesn't) The kids can;t play with anything without him screaming for it, you think he would learn by not he is not getting it! I just feel that he is crazy! Did I make them all this way I had to of?! I feel I have nothing to give these kids if I can;t even get my head straight. It is very hard. I can't believe that Mondo waited so long for the Vasectomy. It is just too much for me, I have no fucking idea what I am doing. I am probably screwing them up even more. My life revolves around them I do nothing but take care of them but I see no accomplishment I think I am making them worse as children. I just feel like I am giving them 50% of what I need to but not sure how to give the other 50%. I don;t know how to get them perfect little men. If they aren't I feel it just isn;t good enough for me.
The house, oh god smaller was supposed to be better! Yeah right I can;t keep up on laundry for nothing it has won the fight. I can;t stand it, it makes me sick doing it. I try so hard every day to keep the house nice huh! somehow I turn my back from Caleb or get caught up in cooking or even go pee for a minute and I swear it is a disaster. I have followed tips and everything there is just not enough time. By the time the downstairs is all done the upstairs hasn't been touched and it is dinner time.
We won;t even go onto my relationship. I am too busy trying to deal with kids and the house.
It kills me I used to be someone, I feel I have lost it all, and I am just this robot. It is starting to really break me. Being a SAHM is nothing it has made me feel so by myself. I hate even carrying that title because I can;t even handle doing that. It is just so awful I can;t turn back and be what I was and make what I was making. Mondo used to complain that I was never home but I for some reason think I was so much happier. I am just an emotional and physical train wreck the past few months. Oh and then We are supposed to go to Vegas next week. Huh I can't I feel awful leaving 4 kids with someone. I just know it isn't easy how could I do it to someone else Mondo will have to go alone he needs to go he works so much I don;t and I am complaining this much makes me imagine how bad he has it. I barely do anything I am hoping that he can go get rest and I can in that time get on some sort of schedule by then on doing the kids the house. I almost need to make a chart and just stick to it. If I do that I am sure there will be no time to blog, but I really need to just focus more on the kids and house and just try harder maybe. I am just soooooo tired stressed, sick, and more tired. blah.

Brody Sleep.....

So Brody went down to bed last night at 6:30. Well he is still sleeping and it is 8:15 a.m. He has been going 12 hours every night but now that it is over I am like is he ok???? Especially after the whole meningitis thing. I keep thinking I should wake him up, but then I hear my mother's voice in my head "Never wake a sleeping baby," UGGHHHH why do we listen to this nonsense everything I do goes back to remembering what she said. It gets very very annoying.
Ok I am going to check on him at 8:30 and maybe move him a little and see what gives.
Brody has become a thumb sucker now too. WE try to yank it out and throw a pacifier in but the thumb wins every time so he prob sleeps longer with that thumb sucking too.
I feel lazy this morning for the first night I think I had way too much sleep. I went to bed around 7:30, and woke up at 4 a.m. to let the cat out got back in bed and had a hard time sleeping till 6 a.m. ( I even had alarm set at 6:30 so I would get up before the kids today HA!) at 6 a.m. they were already fighting about what game they wanted to play on Wii, so I got up and said No one is playing Wii! They were not happy I made them all get in my bed and read books for a half hour so I could lie down a little longer.
By the time we get downstairs get breakfast (of course they all wanted something different today, and the apple juice tasted like Grape juice so had to pour that out) then after I told them to clean up there mess from yesterday and straighten THERE playroom. Jacob throws himself on the floor I tell him to go upstairs he tells me NO so I finally get his bottom upstairs get Nicholas dressed also in the meantime get his lunch and snack together. Bring Jacob back down, he even went and apologized to me and Nicholas for not helping right away! Wow what an improvement I didn't have to tell him too. That was a good new start for the day. Now Jacob and Caleb are playing Wii for a little we will do a little homework for Jacob soon, and then he will be off to school.
I better go check on Brody now.

So sad....

Gosh I have to say that so many people so focused on Obama and McCain well I honestly was not into either. But I was into Prop 8. The one thing I really cared about when it came to CHANGE. It just makes me sick how people think that it is OK to say no you are gay you can't have a lifetime partner for love on paper. Total discrimination, I mean maybe Mexicans shouldn't be able to marry whites, or whites marry blacks I mean what is that teaching our kids right??? Jeez so sad. How can people consider gay friends family and care for them and love them and then say sorry you can never be married. That is just disturbing. I could go on and on. So sad especially to see a best friend of mine never be able to have his true love (the prince that he will find soon enough) be able to go down to a court and get a stupid paper that says they are married. You would think California being a liberal state would have not been so against this. There is the future and I know things will change. I am not trying to ruffle feathers but hell everyone is so into stating there opinions shit I am entitled to mine and will state it too! Mondo keeps telling me to stop being so upset about it he is upset too but we can't do anything about it I am glad I voted no, and will continue to stand for Gay marriage and gay rights hey people did fight for woman's rights.
I am glad Mondo is with me on this, if not oh man it would be hard for him LOL.
Mondo is back to work tomorrow for 2 days possibly 3 :-( Who will I have to cry and bitch too now. Damn firefighter schedules! But hell bills need to be paid.
We have been doing so much better the past week we have talked about so much opened up way more and are just more open to each other. We have been the best of friends to each other but we still learn new things from each other or just announce things we notice about each other. It is great. Took some craziness the past couple months but hell we are good for each other.
I am tired and worn out from just being so emotionally whacked out today. Not too mention craziness at Game Stop but heck there will be new problems tomorrow to blog about :-)
Nighty night!

Wish you were me......

So Mondo is on a 2 dayer meaning he works 2 shifts in a row so 48 hours well acutally 52 from leaving home back to home. Well today is day 2 and actually yesterday wasn't all that bad. I mean Caleb drives me crazy even when he is sleeping. But I have to complain about taking kids to and from school it sucks!! WE live totally close I walk and drive. But it is getting Caleb out of the car and the baby in the Sling that takes like 5 minutes on it's own. If all goes good Caleb will walk with me and just be good. The minute something happens the day goes downhill from there. Let me also mention, OK I do have it easy with Nicholas he walks to school with the neighbors so I don;t have to worry about getting all the kids in the car and dropping him off. I am very lucky and I keep forgetting to get them a gift I must do that tomorrow(better make a note because Mental Notes tend to disappear).
So today election day. I am not registered out here in Valencia so I will have to do a provisional (Sp?) well I even print off my Edison and gas bill because online it said to if my id didn't match the new address (BULLSHIT) So I decide I will vote after I drop off Jacob since it is at his school and by this time Nicky is in school so just 2 kids. Well we park the car and I get Caleb in a stroller with an Ipod (hoping this will work for 15 minutes at least) and I get Brody in the sling , and Jacob has no backpack! Well only one word comes into my head (FUCK) yep it sure did! Now I need to go home and come back after voting and I already am thinking voting will be a problem and I am going to be even more upset by the time I get the backpack but I have no choice.
OK, kiss Jacob goodbye go to vote well Caleb decided while I am filling out papers he does not want to be in the stroller but he wants to push it!! Yeah I am like no listen to music he said "No music, Brody's music!) well I locked the wheels on the stroller to give myself time. So it is time to actually ink the ballot. Caleb in town Brody in sling and stroller just getting in way of other people. Luckily they had a box right next to a water fountain (wow someone was looking out for me) So that kept him occupied since he couldn't reach it with his mouth (just imagine if her could?!?! EYE YI YI. Well we finally get out of there and Caleb wants to push the stroller all the way back to car ( I am like hurry up so I keep grabbing it and he keeps saying "NO MOM!" I am really not happy with him at this point. I get everyone in the car, and am like DAMN now I need to get the backpack and come back!!! So I get the backpack.....back to the school....Caleb doesn't want out of the car so I close it and start walking he is screaming in the car, I open door, he comes and of course insists on wearing his wireless headphones from DVD player in the car. We get to the office get to Jacob's class and Caleb is super slow back to the car but we made it, and we made it home!!! YAY. I am letting him watch Sponge bob that he is going down for a nap so I can gain my strength back. I need hearts to pick up like in video games to regain my health meter. Maybe I should just leave Hot Tamales all around the house.
That is my adventure for today I am sure more will happen. This actually is not that bad I have had much worse days. Can't wait till I get more of those to write about.
Mondo I can;t wait till you are home tomorrow!
After reading this I bet you all wish you were me huh?

7 Years Today!

So Mondo and I have officially been married 7 years today. God bless him for sticking with me this long! I know I can be very hard to live with day to day. I guess we survive because he works 24 hours shifts ;-) I love him and I know how much he loves me. Amazing how he looks at me the same as when I first met him in High School and treats me the same. I now feel bad for being the bitch back then, oh, and now. But we have made it a long way. We have 4 beautiful children that we both raise equally, and better than we were. I love Mondo and respect him as a hubby, a firefighter, a parent, and a friend. He is the most important person in my life.