I think he loves me...

I find notes all the time from Mondo way back when, and they are the sweetest little reminders of how much he cares and how long he has cared for me. I decided to share one I came across a couple days ago. It was before we started dating but after we had met back up since high school.  He is prob going to kill me but I have to share! It just takes me back. Sometimes in our relationshios we forget where we started and we get so caught up in our kids and our friends relationships. I am very lucky to come across these notes and to be able to go back to those young love days... here is the latest note I have found...

Sweetheart,
Right now I sit in B&N reading poems and searching for one that would express how much I love you.I have not found a poem that can tell you how special you are so I decided to try to express my feelings for you with my own words.  I always want to say so much too, but putting the right words together seems so hard sometimes. I want every word to be perfect.  You are so special to me. I've been so proud lately being with you. I have been telling everybody I know about you and us.  Sometimes I find myself not being able to stop talking about you. It's bad enough I can't stop thinking about you.  I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but everytime I lay by you every thought of this world fades away. I love being with you so badly.
I'm not sure how successful I will be in life or if I'll be able to spoil you with Lexus cars, or sea doos. But I will give you every piece of love I have. I will love you until the day I die. When the time is right I want you to be mine for ever. But right now I want a chance to show you that I can be here.

Did your heart melt? Mine did too <3

Why I hate Mothers Day....

Before you read this let me just let you know it is a vent and a rant and not positive and happy like blogs should be. But I must.. I need to... so honestly if you wanna hear me bitch keep reading if not I warn you, you will be bored with all my whining...Now with that said...

Welcome to my day from hell! It may be minor to most but it has really brought me down. 

The month of May I despise.. It makes me full of hate, sadness, and just too many emotions that I have no idea how to deal with. 

My mom passed away 7 years ago on May 19th.  I still have not accepted the death nor have I even gone to the grave site cause I feel it will shut out her life, and I am not ready to accept that yet. Ok let me speed up because that could be a whole other post. 

So Mothers Day ( blah blah blah) I just hate it.  It reminds me of my mom. I used to love Mothers Day and when I was a kid making gifts for my mom on this day was my fave thing to do as I got older I loved getting her gifts and making the day about her. She is gone so that joy is gone. Mothers day to me was to make her happy, it is what made me happy. So I just don't celebrate it. Maybe when I accept the death I can move on and enjoy the day for my family, but not yet.

I really believe all my anger towards this day stemmed all my bad luck.  First thing this morning I asked the kids if we should go to my moms grave and put flowers. I explained to them what it would be like and how I am scared to go. Nicky told me not to worry he would be there with me. Jacob on the other hand was almost in tears and asked if we could please not go. I asked him why and what was wrong he replied, I don't want to see you sad mom." Good enough reason for me not to go.

I turn the T.V. on and come to find all of my DVR recordings are gone! This is like the 4th time this has happened. I know super tiny but man I was pissed. After watching a show on my laptop. I told the kids lets go to the movies!

All ready for the movies we get into the car and I notice gas light. I have 30$ on me well I get to gas station and I don't want to use the cash I have for that so I go to my debit card. I don't have it. So I race home grab it head back to get gas, and once again we are off! 

Heading away from gas station I realize movie starts in half hour and theater is about 45 min away. Instead of taking freeway (because Jacob gets sick on Canyon) I take the canyon so we can get there faster. Yeah bad idea. Pulled over twice for him to puke.

So 20 min late to the movie. We get in and sit in front row (this actually doesn't bother me like it does most). Movie over we get back into car to head home. We take freeway this time. Kids fall asleep in car and about  mile from my exit. I see 2 CHP's I thought I was clear till he got behind me turned his lights on.WONDERFUL! Well I go to grab my wallet, and guess what my License is not in there. and registration is not in car either ( oh my this cop is loving me now!) The kids then wake up and Brody screams the whole time how he wants out. All I can do is repeat to myself just shoot me. He hands me my ticket and reminds me he let me off easy by not getting me for no registration and no license. Well thank you Mr. Officer for that.

Well kids are awake we are about 15 min from home and Mondo texts me asking me if we were hungry and almost in town cause he was at Rubios. So I give him our order and tell him I will meet him at his station to pick up food. We get there and grab our bag of food and head home. Kids are starving hell I was too.  Get home and the food in the bag is not what we ordered at all. Tried texting Mondo but he was on a call now. so we drove back to station and gave to the guys that were there thinking it had to have been some of there food. Well after I left station Mondo called me to tell me that was supposed to be our bag of food, and Rubios messed up. Eye Yi Yi! I was not driving back to station at this point. 

Now we are home I go to order pizza after I order I notice the delivery address was not for my house but a friends house all the way in Lancaster I had her address in it cause we ordered off my account at her house Oh lordy! I called them cancelled the order. Went to make a new order and guess what no money on my card now! I knew I only had like 20$ on it too AHHHHH shoot me ! Really?! (note to self keep more money in that account!) I would have called Mondo and used his card but they said the card had to be here physically well that wasn't going to happen if I went to go to station to pick up that card I might as well pick up the Rubios

From then till now I have dealt with drawers falling apart, almost a fire from the Easy Bake Oven that Brody put plastic pieces in and then turned on and smelled up the whole house, and can't for get the tantrums oh boy don't I just love dealing with tantrums. TODAY SUCKED and I am really really excited for tomorrow! It is a new day and it has to be better than today and this past week...right? If I think positive I think my day will turn out different..man I hope so! Thanks for listening if you made it this far. I have to admit I feel  much better for getting it out! Hey my blog can't always be cute cuddly and full of happy days right. I am more real and hey these days happen..