9/11...Where I was then and now

September 11, 2001...

Feelings:Confused, Scared, Angry, Sad

What I was doing: Mondo and were not married yet but I was 6 months pregnant, and it was his day off. This was when he worked as an FSA (Fire Suppression Aid) in the LA County Fire Camps. He would start the Fire Academy in just 6 months. I woke up early and  turned on the TV and saw the news (as I am sure most of us started our day this way). I ran in to wake him up and come watch with me...We were both scared. Scared for our country, and our future. What will this lead to?
The following nights for weeks we would sleep in the living room for weeks and have the TV on 24/7. As we continued to feel so much sadness the anger then set in hard.

All the while I as a first time mother to be I would cry in the shower and worry so much about the families of those that were still uncalled for. The kids that just lost a parent. A parent that just lost one of there children. a lover, a friend, someone they had just met or made eye contact with and never got to meet. The most heartbreaking at the moment that hit close to home were the pregnant woman who's children would never see or meet there daddy, it all was so much.  I almost felt guilty for having my soon to be husband there with me while all these other woman were suffering.I wanted to just trade there places and take there pain away I couldn't help but be so upset.

September 11, 2013

Feelings: Guilty, Sad, Proud

Today as I am married to a Firefighter who has risked his life on many occasions. I  steel feel guilty. Guilty that I am here and all those families yeah they are living there life just like me but I know today just is a knife to an open wound for many. I feel sad still for all those parents, families, friends, coworkers.
The pride in all those who risked and lost there lives that day and continued to after by serving in the military, by volunteering. So so many! My anger was taken away with that feeling of Pride I have in all the men  and woman who I don't know and never will know but I know what they were/are fighting for. And the Pride in all those first responders that day. Amazing people helping whether it is there job or not that day and forevermore there hearts were what put them into overdrive that day and the days after, not because it was there job.

We have all been affected somehow and we all hurt. I just wanted to share where my heart is today.

I would love to hear where you were then and now as well...

Ipods, Texting, and Facetiming and a Butt

I have to say I love that my kids all have Ipod Touch's and well an Iphone for the oldest. They have been able to text and Facetime with there dad while he is gone to work which sometimes is 3-4 days (lately). I have noticed they get there dad fill of him being away so much.  And I am always getting cute messages from them all which is awesome because it just shows they are thinking about me. I also love that they take care of them most of the time. Which they don't with anything else.

They feel connected with there dad and whoever else they are texting when they can't be around them. They text there Guncle Paul all the time too. and when I am away I get the texts, and when I home I do as well too. Brody likes to Face time me in the bathroom, and ask me where I am just so he can hear me say bathroom lol.

Each one of there Ipods is also personalized with there own wallpapers. Nicky has a pic of himself, Jacob a gamer pic, Caleb a  pic of himself, and then there is Brody. I am almost to embarrased to share this. His is a pic of his butt. Yep it is! He came running downstairs one day to show me that he took a pic and put it as his wallpaper. I couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't even explain that it was not ok because I was laughing so hard! That was almost a week ago and that photo is still on there. I think it is hilarious! Yep I do and I won't share the pic but I have it saved to use later when he gets older of course. His butt on his Ipod all done by his self. That is Brody for ya!

So thank you Apple my kids have a closer connection all the time with there loved ones, and Brody found a way to make us laugh again! ;)

My Boys

Wow where did 2012 go?!

It was sure a fast year but loaded with memories for my family! The kids are just growing up so fast I can barely keep up with them.

Put them to bed tonight and cannot believe how much they have grown.

Nicky is in 5th grade. I look back at that age and his attitude questions on life and character make so much sense! It was like a turning age for me and he is definitely becoming such his own independent person. I can't help but to be proud. He faces life head on, and wants to know things and wants to better things. Not to forget how awesome he is at being the oldest brother. He is always looking out for his brothers and putting them first (most of the time). He is such a sweet gentleman.

Then Jacob in 4th grade. Man this kid really just cares about video games you would think but when I watch him with his friends and with his brothers, and when him and I have one on one conversations he is so funny and so smart and such a character. I can't help but see how much he has going for him and yet he is so easy going. He is not just a gamer like he pretends to be.

Caleb oh my sweet 1st grader. The one who we used to not let grow up. He is so so smart. and it isn't just his cute glasses. This kid does not need to be told what to do when it comes to school work or much of anything he just seems to figure things out. And always has a smile on his face. You can be so upset with him, and he gives you that smile and you melt. Ask anyone. He does it to everyone he meets. Caleb such an inspiring boy.

Brody oh oh Brody. Yeah he is something else no matter how much we will not let him grow up. He sure is smart and can definitely fool us with that baby face and silly speech. Man this kid, he will boss the boys around knowing he is the baby and can get away with it. He will give you kisses and tell you he loves you then throw in can I have a cookie after. Let's just say this kid has us wrapped around his finger and has our number. And yes we let him.

I am so in love with these boys and so lucky to be with them and be home with them even if they drive me nuts and vice versa. I have such a great relationship with each one and they just mean everything to me and I will remind them that over and over and over till they are old enough to realize just what I mean. So so lucky to have 4 amazing boys who I wish would just stop growing and stay this sweet and caring and innocent and cuddly forever.