Oh the pain. As I reflect on mine... It is so terrible and so awful...yes.. But through it all life goes on. I get that.. but damn the past 10 years cancer has won 6-0 to people too damn close to me. Family I had in my life to look up to to take care of me, and have shown me so much love, wisdom, care, and there is a piece of each one that I have in who I am and choices I do or how I react or decisions I make. They were all my teachers in life at some point in my life. And they will always be that still.
My mom (passed 10 years ago), Geri ( my sisters Mother in Law passed 8 years ago) Dave ( My Brother in Law passed 1 year ago) Celeste ( My Godmother who passed 6 months ago) and now Ian ( My sisters Father in Law passed a day ago) UGH! My sister says it best and it has become our go to motto.. It just SUCKS!
Damn, Damn, Damn where do I start? Ian, Frederickson, Trouble, Brat, Fred, E, Papa. The man of a million names. The man with the biggest heart and biggest personality. Super headstrong. Most friendliest. Most grumpy. Who he was to me was the most loving man I have ever met. Always welcomed you with a kiss and a hug which you just don''t get from everyone anymore. And he may have never known it, but man the warmth and love would always be so strong with those hugs and kisses. I could feel it before I even stepped inside to see him or before he stepped inside to see me. I only wish I could make people have that much love be felt. So natural and so strong. It is something I have always felt with him since I was 8 years old. Such a great man, Such a wonderful family. Ian and Geri were the sweetest most amazing couple I have ever met. I just don't think anyone could be that wonderful and them to take in our family as one of theirs when my sister first started dating Dave. Just beautiful. Now Ian is resting in peace with his only son and the love of his life. There is comfort there, but it is still too damn soon for all of them!
The comfort is there but the pain is here. Yes I am a firm believer to move on and continue on because you have to. Life is still there to live for those left with the pain. But I can't help but hurt and feel for my sister and my nephews. They have just been hit like a semi with this Bullshit and it isn't fair. And there is no damn control! I wish I could just take away there pain and just put on me. I have my pain and loss and anger emotions for my own self but the pain of thinking how much worse is theirs, is the pain I have a hard time dealing with The wound from losing there Grandma 8 years ago healing from that. Then losing there father 1 year ago, and that wound that is just so fresh and so unhealed, boom ripped right open with there grandfather passing now. My poor sister who is strong and brave but left with all this pain and doing this all on her own. So strong. I could never imagine being in her situation, and just be being put into it over and over. She is amazing though she is so strong so brave, and those boys have been just that too. My heart aches for me and my family and losing another. But my heart is weakened and breaking for them. I know time doesn't heal it all but it does help move on and keep things for all of them and us going and we will all survive this because we will all make the most of our lives as we continue to do.
We don''t know what will happen between today and tomorrow to us, our family, or our friends or neighbors. I have lived it and I know it. Life is way too short. We need to live now and be here now and move on, love on, and be there and remember and hold deep in our hearts how much we have learned from these amazing people we are all losing too soon. Because as much as I hold there love still and there teachings. It is just a memory, and I would much rather have them here still to this day. Love each other. Love others, and continue to remember the good and try to move on from the pain and the sadness cause that is not what they were to me.
I am now just blabbing away. I could probably use more sleep and my brain is a little over stimulated with all of it. But I feel better just talking to myself already LOL! :)
Love you E! and thank you! Thank you for being so wonderful to me, and being my little jokester. There is no one like you and you are so so so loved, and missed, and you will live on through Liam and Conor. Ian and I both shared a love for puzzles. When I end up from now on with that last missing piece I definitely know who will be hiding it. Bye Ian. As your final words that were spoken to me when you were in so much pain still forcing a smile and speaking to me will be my words to you...
....Love You...
1 comment:
Awww. I'm so sad for you all, and especially Melissa and the boys. :( Cancer does suck! And Ian was SUCH a sweet man. Everything you wrote about him is so true. Matt & I always loved getting to chat with him when he was at a party at your house. Such a funny and kind guy. Lots of love & hugs from Wisconsin.
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