It’s just dishes..

As I was unloading the dishwasher this morning. I immediately thought, there are too many forks in that part and why are those cups touching. Then I also thought. Why am I complaining!? 

I have 4 boys. 5 if you count the 37 yr old cause I mean let’s be honest. Boys will be boys ( yes I am using that saying. So go ahead and bash for that I don’t care. It’s true!) In my house chores aren’t enforced. Sometimes when we really feel these kids should be doing more or I really need the help. I enforce them. Well I am not the clean neat freak that I would like to be in any way. But having kids sure does keep me running around picking up more than if it was just myself and Mondo. 

I complain I have no help. I complain they need to clean there room. I tell them they aren’t done and there’s still more. I say please take out trash. Do the dishes. And I must remind them that they need to replace the trash bag and put away the clean dishes before adding the dirty ones. I’m a mom. This is my life. 

I complain they don’t help around house enough. It stresses me out. And then as well cause I am so upset. I’m on them about the wrappers all over. The Soda cans. The water bottles. The empty glasses. The paper plates, oh the paper plates. Because the trash is just too hard to get to I guess. But it’s still an ongoing battle. 

Back to this morning and the dishwasher. I just told myself “why do you need to be upset about the way they loaded the dishes so much?!” I think I worry about there wives telling them “Oh your mom never showed you?” And I know I care about the stupidest things. Pretty sure no matter how much I show or train these boys. They will do it how they feel is right in the long run. No matter what it is. And they will be in trouble with there wives just like there Dad. 

How important is the damn loading of the dishwasher anyway. I mean seriously. Who cares. Why did I. Why have I for so long!? I should be thanking them! They helped out. They loaded without complaint this time. As much as I may hate to admit it this. I really can use the help no matter how much or little it is. 

This is the important Are the dishes clean? Yes. Did the kids help? Yes. Does the forks going one way make them a bad person? No but they need to learn lol. Why was I so worried about that. Next load I can kindly say make sure the forks don’t nestle into each other. 

The past couple months I have been working on more focus less stress and this morning was a test over stupid dishes! 

I am thankful they help and I am going to accept the help much more I’m pretty sure life will suck when I don’t have 3 loads of dishes everyday along with chaos, loudness and yelling. People are always telling me “Your gonna miss this”.

What I think I’m getting at for least for myself. Is my boys are growing so fast and I don’t want to spend the time nit picking everything and sounding like a crazy woman. May be too late already LOL. So thank you boys for helping and just keep helping. Make sure the middle is clear and the forks aren’t nestled into each other and you will be just fine. 

Sleep Less. Worry More..

I don’t sleep much anymore. Most my night is guilt, worrying, cuddling, and sitting around thinking is everyone ok. There are a few scenarios in which I do sleep. One being when Mondo is home and not snoring. Something about the comfort of him and maybe cause he is my natural heating blanket. 

Currently it’s 4:30 am. I am awake because Brody. And I just heard sirens. So I checked Pulse Point (an app to track my hubby) ok it’s really to track calls and where fires and medical calls are located, but I just use it to track Mondo in the middle of the night. He’s on his way to a medical call it says. Which now my head goes to what if it’s a tough call what if it’s one that will wear heavy on him and his partner. Then I hope that it’s just a quick call and they don’t have to follow to hospital. Because I know he’s tired and has been working straight for 4 days. But I’m also happy he will be home finally this morning at 8. This is when I have guilt that keeps me up. When this happens at 1 or 3 am. I just can’t go back to sleep. Cause I feel extremely guilty in this big bed where I can sleep all night (even though I don’t) and he is taking calls and losing sleep. I feel bad and usually just don’t sleep cause of that. Alot of times we text when he is up at night cause he can’t sleep. And he doesn’t realize that I can’t either knowing he can’t. 

Brody is currently in my bed right now. This is one of my favorite reasons why I can’t sleep. He’s 9 but still the baby. He will always be the baby. He is currently babbling some gibberish. He also has an arm and a leg over me. The hand and arm may be over my throat slightly chocking me but that’s ok. I still love hearing him breath holding him and cuddling him. Cause I know this will not last so I will take it and stay up for it as long as I can. 

Caleb sleeps in my bed too sometimes when Mondo is gone. He holds my hand. He’s 12 and I know that is gonna fade away even sooner. I have lost the cuddles and warmth of sleeping next to Nicky the 16 yr old and Jacob the 14 yr old. Man I miss the days they would all crowd in my bed and I couldn’t sleep because of no room. 

Worrying. Oh my goodness. Worrying. It’s non stop day and night but during the sleeping hour it’s the worst. Cause there is nothing going on. Just time and stillness to continue to worry. I worry about death about life in general. About my kids growing up. About Mondo and his job and the struggles he goes through with it. I worry about my kids graduating and becoming respectful people in life. I just want them to be happy and successful in there own self. I worry if I will make it to all there high school graduations. Or there weddings. Oh good lord. Weddings. No. No no no can’t even think of them not living under my roof! That just can’t happen. Will I stop worrying about them? 

I wake up when all are home and think I’m so lucky we are all here. No need to worry my babies are all sleeping and safe and Mondo is finally  getting the rest he deserves. And then I usually turn over and either smile and hug Mondo. Or grab his hand or put my leg over his and stay awake thinking how lucky I am. If he starts snoring then I get mad and can’t sleep cause then I am busy pushing and kicking him. But I am so happy he is home at the same time. 

I have those nights a lot too where I just feel something  bad is going to or about to happen. Those are the worst. I can’t shake it and I feel nauseous. This happens more often than not and usually something comes out of it. No I’m not saying I’m psychic. I’m really just saying I’m probably crazy lol! 

That and when my kids sleepover at friends are the worst. I don’t mind them going. I love them doing that but the older they get the more I wonder what the heck are they doing. Will they be up all night and will it affect our day tomorrow. Or is my 16 yr old anything like I was at 16. God I hope not! I wonder if my mom went through this? Man I miss her. Ok wide awake on that as well. 

This is nightly. I’m pretty sure or hoping that a lot of moms can relate. I have a lot of kids to worry about here and not enough time in the day to worry and love on them. So my quiet sleeping hours are much needed. 

My sleep schedule seems to be bed at 11 ish wake up at 2 back at 5 ish and up at 6:30. Although tonight was really good to be honest. Bed at 11:30 light sleeping cause of Brody’s mumbling and moving around.  But I actually wasn’t wide awake until 4 AM.  Wow! Sorry Mondo I wanna feel guilty but but lookiing ar Pulse Point it looks like we might have had the same amount of sleep for once!

Now time for some more cuddles and coffee!